Fidelity
by Taste.of.life
Summary: AU: Sometimes, the fruit is forbidden for a reason.
1. The death of a Hale

Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter, but I assure you this particular plot was of my own invention.

This is AU, with cannon pairings.

L&J

Note: This will undoubtedly be very long, both in chapter length and time. Slowly at the story matures, the ratings will with it.

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><p><em>Chapter one<em>

_The death of a Hale._

The first thing that I notice is her hands. They're crossed at the wrists and laying in the center of my mothers stomach. They don't look like my mothers hands. These hands are pale and leathery, splotched with thick blue veins, completely different from my mothers once smooth and freckled fingers.

Her body is frail and old, crippled with disease and broken bones. I hate looking at her like this, I hate watching her slowly fade away. She's nothing but bones covered in sagging flesh. No longer is she soft and round the way she used to be, the way she should be.

She opens her mouth to speak and the words are bitter and jumbled, mashed together in rushed sentences and spat like the blood from her dying gums. She tells me how age feels like betrayal, haunting her in her fractured hands and broken limbs.

I can do nothing but listen, grasping her withered hands with my own. She's not even fifty and already death has laid a claim to her. It's not old age she is dying of. Muggle doctors do not know what to make of it and my mother refused to see a healer. My sister, Petunia, and I know she's really dying of a broken heart.

"Lily, you have to find them…you have to make them all pay." Her words are vengeful, poisoned with hatred. She doesn't even sound like my mother anymore. I nod and agree, because what else could I do? Her hand tightens around mine as a tremor racks through her body. I release my sob at the exact moment her eyes roll to the back of her head. For a moment I think she's dead, that her last words were ones of revenge and malice and how I never had the chance to tell her I love her.

But she breathes again, a long ragged breath. Her eyes are glazed over and her mouth hangs open a little, her lips are a pale purple. Even on the precipice of death she looks beautiful.

"I love you; I love both of my girls." Her voice is no longer laced with anger, but filled with a deep sorrowful tone. It shakes me to my very core.

"Lily, I know…I know I've put you through so much" Her eyes brim with tears "I just want you to know how much I love you. How strong I think you are. Taking care of Petunia, looking after me these years, school...how can you ever forgive me?"

My stomach turns in on itself and knots into a hundred coils. It's so much easier to let her go changed, bitter and old and when she doesn't resemble the mother I once knew. But now, now that her face has softened and she is now the mother I knew her to be, it is harder.

"Please don't go" I beg. I don't know what else to say. It's been so long since I've seen her like this, heard her speak like this, it doesn't seem fair she's being ripped away again. She twists her fingers into my hair and smiles. It's a magnificent smile and I haven't seen it in almost eight years, not since my father died.

"Lily, love, I can only pray that you will forgive me. I've been in such a dark place ever since… ever since your father was killed. I should never have abandoned you like that; I should never have taken you out of Hogwarts, or left you alone to watch over Petunia…my deepest regret is what I've done to you, my sweet Lily." Her words were whispered, breathed in and out slowly with the barely perceptible rise and fall of her chest. Her strength was fading, her skin growing colder with every passing second.

"I understand and I forgive you" I wasn't sure if that was a lie or if it was the truth.

"Promise me that you'll leave this place? You don't belong here, you're special… you always have been."

"But what about Petunia?" I couldn't leave Petunia, not only was she a minor, but I'd been taking care of her since I was eleven years old, she was more my daughter than sister.

"Aunt Felicity will take care of her… she'll understand. Please, Lily. Go." Her words were now urgent, desperate. "Leave this muggle world behind, go and fight." I clung to her hand, as if I held tight enough she would stay.

Another tremor shook through her and the cry that erupted from my body echoed around the room.

"I am not afraid to die" she murmured, eyes closing. Her lips barely moved as she said her last goodbye "I will see your father soon…and one day, I shall see you again too."

And then she is gone. Her body is still here, I can still touch her, I can still see her, but she is longer _here_. The realization that my mother is dead, dead and lying before me breaks over me like a wave. My chest is suddenly tight and the beat of my heart is so rapid I can hardly hear anything but the _thud um_ it makes.

No longer can I see my mother's body because a startlingly white light that has penetrated my eyes, making me dizzy and alarmed. I'm about to faint. I dimly hear the door being swung open and then the cries of my younger sister as she takes in the scene before her.

I want to reach out to her. I want to hold her and be the pillar of strength that I always am, the pillar that she needs me to be. But I'm tired and exhausted and I have no more strength left to give. Instead, I don't reach out. I don't comfort her or make a useless attempt to ease her pain and suffering. I sit and watch. I watch as she swoops down over our mother, tears hitting the cold flesh like rain. I watch as she clings to the lifeless body, begging for the life to be restored to it. I watch as the sobs break through her body and she trembles in pain. But still, I do nothing.

Muggle doctors fill the room, distant relatives and family friends trickle in, eyes downcast and hands held tightly. There are too many people in the room and suddenly I feel suffocated, smothered.

My joints are stiff as I try to stand. I don't know how long I've been sitting in the chair, next to my dead mother, but my legs buckle under me and I have to sit down again. No one notices my fall. They're all focused on my sister, all focused on my mother.

My second attempt is easier and I easily push through the crowded room, already tainted with the smell of death.

../..

My feet hit the pavement lifelessly, the black heels of my shoes echoing in the distance like a drum beat. The rain has come in waves, washing the color of the landscape and hills away. The red roofs of farm houses are dull and dark and the comfort I once took in the colorful trees diminished as the last of their autumn leaves blow away on the wind.

I use my wrist to wipe the tears away.

Only a handful of people in the town once knew my mother, once spoke to her and laughed with her, but her parade goes on for miles. It was to be expected, she was a _Hale_, the oldest family in Burnley, England. Our parade marched slowly, mechanically, our dark clothing making a swarm of black and gray.

I feel and odd mix of resentment and gratitude towards these faceless strangers, they did not know my mother- they did not share in her life- but they are marching in respect to her death. I wonder if this will be the same treatment I receive, while not partaking in the last name Hale, their blood runs through my veins.

Our march ends and directly in front of me a pile of dirt is loosely piled to the side of a six foot hole. There's a large picture of a woman smiling, planted next to the hole, next to a shiny black coffin. It's closed, but not because of the rain.

The grave of my mother

I felt pressure being applied to my left shoulder; I saw my sister out of the corner of my eye and allowed myself to be comforted by her touch. It was odd to lean against her, her providing me with strength was unfamiliar and strange. I knew it should be the other way; I should be the one to be strong for her. Her crystal eyes were covered by a veil, in attempt to hide the raw red her tears had made and the smear of black from her mascara. She sniffed into her handkerchief and quietly slipped her hand into mine.

Her hand felt nice against my own cold skin. Petunia attempted a small smile at me, the corners of her lips curled upwards slightly but it looked pained and force. She sniffed and tucked her nose into the collar of her new black dress, wiping it along the lace frill. It pained me to watch her. She was still so young, barely fifteen and already both of her parents dead and soon I would be abandoning her too. It wasn't fair to her, not at all.

The rain ceased falling and a little bit of the sun broke from behind the clouds. I let the umbrella I was holding fall and stand in the after mist. I ignored most of the service, the half hearted words of distant relatives and their generalized sermons. Instead I focused on the picture of my mother, the last one taken of her before my father was killed.

Her hair was done up beautifully, wispy curls clinging to the side of her face and making her looks effortless. The woman's lips were tinted in pale pink and curled into that magnificent smile, upper teeth barely touching her lower lips in a half hearted attempt to conceal a laugh. I remembered her laugh; it sounded like honeyed bells. In the picture, my mother's eyes were wide and green, clear and inviting as they had nothing to hide. I missed her eyes the most.

My attention was momentarily caught on Petunia as she released my hand and walked up to address the mourning crowd. Her words were caught in her chest and after several moments she finally spoke. She spoke of our mother's kindness, her laughter, her smiles and jokes.

As the crowd laughed at her funny tales of our mother and smiled at the beautiful moments she recounted, I couldn't help but be furious. All of those memories, funny moments, everything, were from eight years ago. Petunia was barely seven then, and she couldn't pull one happy memory of my mother, one worthy to be told, past her eighth birthday. It was unforgivable.

She ended in tears, reciting a prayer our mother had taught us when we were little.

A murmur rose from the crowd, a few whispers on the tragedy that had befallen my sister. It was my turn next.

I hadn't thought about what I wanted to say, or if I should say anything at all. Someone so enraged should never give such a speech. But then Petunia hugged me tightly before walking back and standing once again among the sea of black waiting, like the rest of them, to hear my words.

I didn't know what to say.

"My fathers passing left my mother with two children and a broken heart. I watched as my mother slowly withered away, dying of heart ache. There is no better place for her than where she is at, besides my father in the arms of our Lord, watching us in Heaven."

I wasn't sure if there was a God, but at the moment I needed to believe that He was there, welcoming my mother.

I walked back to my sister with my head downcast, eyes focused on my soiled shoes. I didn't want to face anyone at the moment.

"We'll always have each other, Lily" Petunia whispered, pulling me back into her embrace. Guilt rose like bile through my body.

"Of course" Lie. Would she ever forgive me?

.../...

Slowly people left the graveyard, uttering condolences and wishing Petunia and I the best. I gave noncommittal grunts and slight shakes of the head as thanks, not bothering to properly respond to anyone. Petunia was doing a marvelous job at being polite enough for the both of us, smiling softly and thanking everyone for their good thoughts and prayers.

"Lily, Lily Evans?" I didn't recognize the man that called my name, but I was startled when instead of expressing his sorrow, he reached out and hugged me. I froze, momentarily stunned that a strange man was hugging me. He seemed to realize I didn't respond and backed away, looking embarrassed.

"Sorry, I just haven't seen you in so long…I had no idea Mrs. Hale, or should I say, Mrs. Evans was your mother, I am so sorry for your loss." His face was warm and sad, as if he truly was sorry. I was positive that I'd never met him before. I would have remembered him. He was not easily forgettable with his dark brown hair and chocolate eyes. His nose was straight and set on a very masculine jaw line, flattered by a full lipped smile.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think we've ever met."

A flash of hurt fluttered through his features and then he was smiling again, as if he had expected nothing else.

"We went to Hogwarts together; I'm Remus, Remus Lupin. We were in Gryffindor together."

Immediate recognition set in, but he was not the thin wiry boy I once knew him to be. Of course the last time I had seen him he was eleven and was awkward in developing body, a complete contrast to the broad shouldered handsome man standing before her.

"How- why are you- what are you doing here?" I asked.

"My father was really good friends with your father and he came to his funeral, and out of respect to your family my father and I came to your mothers. I had no idea you were in relation to either of them, Remus took a step closer, dropping his voice to a whisper. "I assumed you were a Muggleborn, otherwise I would have come to visit you" He paused, as if unsure whether to continue "What…what happened Lily? You never came back to second year. Everyone thought you transferred schools or something, none of our letters were returned. James- do you remember him- the one with glasses, even sent a Howler to you, demanding your return. Why did you never reply?"

I didn't know where to begin. Like with my mothers eulogy, I had no idea how to start or even what to say for that matter.

"It's…it's complicated. I swear though, I never received any letters, or I promise I would have returned them. I never went back to school; I stayed and watched over my mother. My father died at the end of my first year." It didn't explain anything and probably gave him a lot more questions than answers but I didn't know what else to say.

"I don't understand," Remus said "you've just been at home, taking care of your mother for eight years, not going to school or receiving an education? Surely Dumbledore would never had allowed it, there are strict rules that the Ministry enforces about education. You simply can't_ not_ go."

"I told you, it's complicated." I was beginning to get frustrated. I didn't have to be questioned like this. I took care of my mother and raised my sister from the age of eleven, almost without help.

Petunia was suddenly by my side, clutching my arm and glaring at Remus. She thought he was upsetting me. She wasn't entirely wrong.

"I- I'm sorry for asking such questions, Lily." Remus apologized, taking a step backwards "I shouldn't intrude on your privacy. I was only so curious and happy to see you once again."

I felt regret for almost loosing my temper. He doesn't see or hear from me in eight years and still remembers me, I should be thankful he wanted to say 'hi' at all.

"Lily, we should go… Aunt Felicity is arguing with Meredith about who is to watch over us now." I nodded to Petunia and turned back to say goodbye to Remus.

"Here, this is my address" Remus was writing something on a piece of paper "you can floo over anytime, or you can owl me. I would really like to talk to you Lily, I would absolutely love to catch up with you, and I know the others would love to see you too."

He pushed the paper into my hand then turned, walking in the opposite direction and disappearing from my view.

"You would think," Petunia said a little sharply "that any decent blokes, regardless of how attractive they may be, would contain themselves at a funeral"

I laughed, truly, for the first time since our mother died.

"He was an old friend from school, Pet, no need to worry about him" I pinched her arm and she swatted my hand away good naturedly.

"Well, as long as he doesn't take you away from me" Petunia smiled, not noticing me flinch. She didn't need to worry about Remus taking me away, I going by myself.

Petunia and I walked out of the graveyard slowly and silently. I couldn't bring myself to say anything as we pushed through the Iron Gateenclosing the burial grounds and out onto the gray sidewalk. Up ahead our closest relatives stood huddle in a circle, waiting for us. We piled into two cars and I made sure Petunia was in the one with me. The drive home was tense and silent, the impending reading of the will looming over everyone. I would be leaving shortly after the will was read and I hadn't even told Petunia yet.

Walking into our house was like walking into a strangers' home. My aunts and cousins had rearranged everything for the memorial service and the house had not been this clean for years, although I did a good job at keeping it clean it embarrassed me to say I had never been able to keep it clean like this. The house was too big and with only Petunia and I able to clean, it was too hard to get every spot of dust and grain of dirt.

I knew most of the people were here not out of love or kindness, but to hear the will in hopes they would be on the receiving end of the Hales and Evans enormous generosity.

I was only curious about one thing: Who would get Petunia?

We filed into the library; our families lawyer perched behind my fathers desk, folder of paperwork in hand. Before the lawyer could even speak, Meredith Hale had already begun.

"Well obviously Petunia will come with me, to live" Meredith was middle aged with a large belly that jiggled whenever she walked, which was more of a wattle. I silently prayed she wouldn't. Meredith never had children, never will have children, and won't ever deserve children.

"No of course not, Petunia will come and be with me in Brigham along with Lily" Aunt Felicity snapped.

"_Lily?_" Meredith laughed, "Why would you want to take in that- that witch!"

I clenched my teeth together as I did my fists in a furious attempt to refrain from harming her.

"Yes, Meredith, I will be taking Petunia and Lily. Why? It is simple, because I love both of those girls regardless of the magical abilities they do or do not posses." Aunt Felicity glared, pointing a long finger at both Petunia and I.

"You are just like your brother, their father was a _freak_" Meredith spat "I only regret that when he died he did not take his _freak_ daughter with him. My Carolina, rest her soul, must have been put under a spell to marry such a –such a _thing_"

With a speed I had not known Petunia to posses, she spun around and glowered over Meredith, her face mere inches from our oversized second aunt.

"Lily is not a _freak _Aunt Meredith" Petunia growled. "She is my_sister_"

Aunt Meredith stepped back in surprise, the force of Petunia's voice startling her as well as scaring her. I watched on in horror as Petunia swung back her hand and brought it forward, striking Meredith across the face.

Shocked at what she had done, Petunia stumbled backwards, eyes wide with fright. Meredith gasped in pain and clutched her now vibrantly red cheek.

"Well" Aunt Meredith snarled back, her voice dripping with venom. "It's no wonder why my sweetCarolinadied, having to put up with such demon children. You should be sent to prison, you're the reason she's dead!"

"Aunt Meredith, you should leave now." Her nephew, a man around his mid twenties stepped up, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her forcefully towards the door. She howled with rage and pushed through the door, slamming it close with such ferocity it shook the shelves in the room.

"Ehm" The lawyer coughed, not sure where to start after such a disturbing scene. "Should we begin now?"

I took my seat next to Petunia, in between her and aunt Felicity.

It didn't come as a surprise that most everything was split between Petunia and I. College and Trust Funds, saving accounts and stock. The Manor was left to Aunt Felicity who, instead of returning to Birgham, would be staying to take care of Petunia and the Manor.

"Now, I have a few private matters to settle between Lily, Petunia and their aunt"

As everyone filled out of the room, some disappointed and some moderately pleased with the outcome, I tried hard to think of how to tell Petunia.

"Now, Lily, seeing that you are passed both the Muggle and Magical adult age, having just turned nineteen a few months prior, you are no longer under any laws to abide by your aunt, or this contract, but it is your mothers deepest wish for you to continue on in the wizarding world."  
>I nodded, I knew that already.<p>

"Am I correct that you have taken both your newts and owls, via home tutor?" I nodded again. "Good, with that being settled it makes my job much easier, not having to put you through school or finding you lessons. I'm only a squib, you know."

I shot a glance toward Petunia, who seemed oddly fine with this information. Leaving the Muggle world meant leaving the manor, it meant leaving her.

"The money your mother has left you will ensure a very, very comfortable life. I have taken the liberty to transfer some of your inheritance into your Gringotts vault, with the presumption that you will be making your way into the wizarding world as soon as possible?"

"Yes, sir, that is correct."

"Well that is, I think, all that needed to be covered. If there is any questions at all, magical or legally, your aunt has my card and I'd be happy to help with anything you require. Have a good day ladies."

I waited for the door to close after his departure to turn to Petunia.

"Lily, I had no idea that you were going to go- you know." Petunia smiled, reaching out to hug me.

"Are you okay with this, honestly?" I asked, pushing back to read her face.

"Obviously I am, I'm very happy for you!"

"This means I can't take care of you anymore."

"Lily, I'm fifteen, I should be old enough to take care of myself"

"I just assumed… first Dad, then Mom, and now me. I didn't want you to be hurt, or upset."

"Does this mean you're not going to see me?" Petunia suddenly looked horrified, "you leaving to the magical world doesn't mean I'll never see you again, right?" Her teeth bit onto her lower lip and tears were rapidly filling her eyes.

"No! No of course not… it's just, I know I'll be able to see you, but it wont be everyday, or necessarily every other day. I won't be there to get you up and make you breakfast, take you to school and help you with your studies. I won't be just across the hall anymore."

"But- but I could still come and see you right? I could come and stay for the Hols, and the weekends, and random days."

"I believe so. I'm not sure, considering you're a muggle, but I don't see how they could stop you from staying."

"I will see you, and that is all that matters." Petunia decided, smiling. "I'm proud of you."

A tidal wave or pride washed over me, pride of the way that Petunia grew up, so self sacrificing and understanding.

"When do you leave?" Petunia asked.

"Tonight."

Her smile faltered a little but then she grinned, a true ear to ear grin and a small amount of happiness bloomed inside of me. She was truly fine with me leaving, she didn't feel abandoned.

"What are you going to do... you know- in the magical world?"

"I don't know... I suppose I'll take a few classes and just get to meet some people like myself." Lie.

I knew perfectly well what I was going to do. I was going to keep my promise to my mother, track down the men that killed my father.

I was going to _fight._

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><p>If you're confused, you should just stick around... learn more.<p>

R&R


	2. The telling of a name

_ Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter, but I assure you this particular plot was of my own invention._

_I appreciate the feedback, and the many, many alerts that have been placed on this story. _

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><p><em>Chapter two<em>

_The telling of a name._

I don't remember it being this powerful. I remember the feeling of electricity, as if touching it had charged up every atom and molecule in my body, but this was different. Power radiated under my finger tips, subdued in the wand but ready to burst out at a mere flick of my wrist. My magic had never felt so strong or so close. I took a moment to examine it, it looked exactly the same. 10¼" willow, swishy and covered in a thick layer of dust, smeared with years old fingers prints like it always had been.

I tried my best to wipe my wand clean with the hem of my dress but it only smeared the dust and dirt more. I felt guilty for the poor condition I foolishly had left my wand in. What if I had needed it in a moments notice? It'd taken me hours of scouring through my room to find it stuffed between a stack of charms books. I couldn't be so irresponsible, especially considering how to valuable my wand was. It was the only thing that could help me find the men who killed my father.

"Lily, are you ready to go?" Aunt felicity asked, observing me from the doorway. I took the moment to study my favorite aunt. She was getting on in years and her once chestnut hair was more silver than brown. Laugh lines were permanently etched into her face and her back curved in a slight hunch. Her eyes were the same: watery blue, sharp and understanding. I felt myself questioning if she knew the real reason I was going. If she knew my mother had asked me for revenge, if she knew that I craved it for myself. I wanted to tell her.

"Yes, I'm ready."

She walked in a little ways to my room and helped me lift my trunk, her muscles surprisingly strong for someone so old. We didn't talk as we carried my luggage down the stairs and to the living room. There was no fire in the ornate fireplace and the concept of _flooing_ left me with an anxious feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

"I think this is what the, the squip? Ehm, the lawyer left you, for the uh- the fireplace" Petunia held out her hands toward me, a small green pot of powder teetering dangerously on the palm of her left hand. I snatched it quickly before she could drop it and smiled my thanks.

"You'll be coming home in a few days at least, right?" Petunia asked nervously, once again biting the bottom of her lip. She looked no older than twelve, dressed down in her night gown and long brown hair braided in two sections. She held tightly to a fraying stuffed animal, a present I gave to her on her eighth birthday.

"Of course, I'll be staying at an Inn called the leaky cauldron for the first few days while I apartment hunt for a flat and as soon as I do you'll be able to visit and I'll come back every so often to check in on you."

She seemed appeased by my reassurance and took the trunk from Aunt Felicity and helped me awkwardly stick it into the fire place.

"I'll miss you" Petunia smiled, blinking fiercely. She was attempting not to cry. I was trying hard not to do the same thing.

"Come here, girl" Felicity laughed, pulling me in for a tight hug. Her arms were warm and welcoming and I could faintly hear my back crack at the strength of her embrace. "I'll watch over her, don't worry about anything on this side. I'll protect her at all cost." Her words were whispered into my ear and, as much as she meant them, it did nothing to ease my guilt.

"Goodb-"

"Don't say goodbye!" Petunia shrieked, almost dropping her animal. "Never, ever say goodbye."

"Sorry Pet." How could I be so stupid? Wasn't that the last thing father had told her before he died?

"I'll see you soon" I corrected myself. Petunia endeavored a weak smile and held tighter to her stuff animal.

I positioned myself awkwardly on my trunk, knees scrunched to my chin, wand tightly clutched in my left hand. Breathing in deeply I sprinkled a little bit of the green powder onto the stone ground and watched in fascination as emerald flames licked their way up my trunk. I could hear Petunia step back with a shriek.

I shuddered a breath; pooling every ounce of strength I could to form the next two words.

"Leaky Cauldron"

And then I was spinning.

The room tilted out of view and my body jerked forward, fell to the side, twisted and bent. Air whirled through my nose, whipping my hair into my face and stinging my eyes. My knees slammed forward and hit my chin, sending me gasping for air. I felt squeezed through a tube and then a '_pop'_.

I landed painfully on my back, feet crookedly raised on the top of my trunk. I couldn't move.

"Aye, Lass, you better be getting up before the next one arrives" someone laughed. I couldn't help the groan that escaped me as I tried to sit up. I would never be doing that again.

" 'Ere, lemme give you a hand" The same person said, still chuckling. A large hand came into view and I swung my own up to meet it. I felt them tug once and then I was being dragged away from the fire place. How embarrassing.

"Thank you, sir" I tried to keep the agony and embarrassment out of my voice but it didn't work very well. The man let go of my hand and retrieved my lopsided trunk.

"First time with the floo, miss?" He fought down a smile and I nodded. He was a very kind looking man, with a fist sized bald spot in the center of his crown and graying eyebrows. His nose was slightly crooked, as if it had been broken many times as a young man, and he had a birthmark hugging the skin next to his ear.

"It's always the hardest the first time, especially when traveling with a trunk as big as this one is!"

He stuck his arm out again and hoisted me off the ground. I took the moment to dust myself off before meeting his once again outstretched hand for an introduction.

"Thank you, I'm Lily Evans"

"Your welcome, I'm the owner here. My name is William Dodderidge and that man there" he pointed to a young man behind a long bar "is my son, Tom, if you're staying here for the night he'll assist you."

"Can I pay for an entire week?" I asked quickly, he was already turning his back to leave. The man took a moment to appraise me before nodding and motioning over to a check-in stand.

"The rooms thirty-eight galleons a night, but I'm going to cut you a considerably large deal and lend you the room for 140 galleons for the week, provided you're not too much a distraction for other guests. We hardly ever get anyone who stays for more than one day."

I grabbed my wallet from the inside of the trunk, praying that I would be able to count out the right amount of coins. Transferring most of my muggle money to wizarding had weighed down my wallet significantly.

Money meant very little to me and I never took my time to memorize the conversion factors.

"Do you take muggle money?" I questioned. The scowl on his face told me that they didn't.

"Right, well… I'm thinking this should be the correct amount?" I placed a rather large stack of gold and bronze coins on the table. Mr. Dodderidge stared at me incredulously and took half the pile.

"You've got enough gold here to pay for the month, of course this is too much. Tell me you don't know how to count out a few simple coins?"

I flushed with embarrassment, scooping back the rest of the unneeded gold.

"Look lass, I'm not trying to offend you or nothing, but you need to learn the correct amounts, most wizards would have taken you for a fool and demanded more." His eyes were sympathetic but the laughter was back in his voice.

"I will take your advice and learn as soon as possible. May I see my room now?" I knew my voice was too cold and that I was being rude. I knew that he was simply trying to help me, but I was frustrated for being so incompetent.

"Yes, Ma'am" gone was the laughter. "Tom will show you up; I've given you the best room."

I nodded stiffly and felt another pang of guilt.

"Thank you," I softened my voice "I appreciate everything."

He gave a grunt and motioned for Tom to come over.

Tom was a fairly young man, probably a few years older then me, and very silent. He took the stairs to the living quarters two at a time, the trunk weighing barely anything to him. We didn't speak as we progressed down the halls and he didn't wait for me to tip after pressing a key into my hand and knocking on the door labeled 27.

"Thank you" I muttered to his turned back.

The key easily slid into the lock and the knob gave a small moan as I turned it inwards. The door swung open to reveal a small room with wooden floors and a white bed with a red duvet. Everything looked clean.

I didn't bother unpacking anything or even removing the dress I was wearing. I was exhausted and frustrated and wanted nothing more but to fall into a dreamless oblivion.

…_/…_

"Normally I'd lent this room out for 850 galleons a month" the middle-aged wizard sighed, "But you're a pretty girl and you're young, probably fresh out of school and I know times are tough… so I'll let you have the place for a flat 700."

I'd been looking for an apartment for three days and in that time I quickly learned that regardless of what you looked like, every owner tried to over sale. This was by far the nicest and most expensive one I had found, but it was not nearly nice enough to be worth 700 galleons.

"I'll take it." I would rather pay the extra money instead of continuing on with a wearisome search. The wizard seemed startled at my readily acceptance but he grinned like a Cheshire cat and produced a piece of parchment from the depth of his peri winkle blue robes. No doubt he thought me a fool.

I read over the contract briefly, noting that no pets- excluding owls- were allowed to be in the apartment and that smoking was to be done on the outside terrace. Neither of the stipulations applied to me and I signed with little hesitation. If there were any problems he was the landlord and lived four floors down, able to help every other day. The apartment had automatic heat and conditioning, but a small fire place nestled quietly in the corner for flooing. That was one thing I would never be using.

"You can start moving in tomorrow, I'll deposit this in the bank and it'll set up an automatic withdraw every first of the new month."

"Yes, that'll work perfectly, Thank you"

"I hope you enjoy the place, Ms. Evans"

He left after showing me how to work the ward systems around the fireplace. I took my time to walk around the flat. The walls were painted an off white and the floors were wood. I knew if I decorated it and put some love into it, this place could be wonderful. But I didn't have the time, nor the energy and quite frankly I didn't care enough. It would be nothing more than a place to rest my head and eat while I hunt down the men who killed my father.

I tried to push the thoughts from my mind and made an unsuccessful attempt at keeping busy by restudying the apartment. I felt a little sad for the place. With such possibility, it was entirely wasted on me.

I left the apartment in no particular hurry. I had accomplished my first goal, finding a place to stay, and the sun was still high in the pale sky, partially masked by a halo of graying clouds.

Instead of turning toward the Inn I veered off course, feeling a sudden need to travel down the brightly lit streets. Shops stretched on for miles, all blending into one another with their matching banners of bright greens and swirling purples. Flashy signs hung on almost every door, eye catching and inviting.

I felt lost in the seas of colors, overwhelmed by the sparks of wands and oddities that littered the streets.

I'd walked these streets before, years ago. Similar to my reactions now, I had once stared at awe in the entire glory and grandeur of the magical place. Everything seemed bursting at the seems with vibrancy. I could taste the magic in the air, feel the constant hum of power. It was entrancing.

Feeling it hopeless to try and familiarize myself with the majority of Diagon Alley I gave into temptation and followed my heart into an ice cream parlor.

Dozens of people milled about: families crammed together at short white tables, parents laughing as children painted their faces with ice cream. The atmosphere was entirely different than the ice cream parlors that randomly poked out of the graying streets in Burnley.

The line was long, but the wait was shorter than I expected. Standing behind a large gentleman with a fur rimmed hat I debated my choices of flavors. Literally hundreds of flavors labeled the board. There were so many, in fact, that a few extra signs hung from the menu announcing new flavors.

Deciding it better to be safer than sorry, I ordered a chocolate mint.

Ice cream in hand, I made my way back outside and onto to windy sidewalk once again. My thoughts kept turning back to Petunia. How was she doing? Did she miss me as much as I miss her? Was Aunt Felicity keeping a good eye on her? I'd talked to her once since I'd left, and very briefly. It was hard to go home, only to have to return again. But it was necessary. Everything that I was doing was necessary, I had to trust that.

"Lily! Lily, is that you?"

Surprised that someone was calling my name I turned in reflex, half expecting to find someone calling another Lily's name. A man stood a little ways away, hand cupped around his mouth, posed for another yell. I recognized his face quickly, it was the same man from my mothers funeral.

Remus Lupin.

I waved hesitantly, unsure why he would be calling me out. I had been rude to him at my mothers funeral and I had lost his address to contact him. I'd probably thrown the paper away without realizing it.

He was with a shorter man, one with light blond hair and a jovially round face. He motioned for me to come over.

I weaved my way through the crowd, suddenly filling with nerves.

"Lily, I hadn't expected to run into you so soon" He was smiling.

"Sorry I didn't owl.. I've been pretty busy, I actually just rented out an apartment a few blocks away from here, and I've misplaced your number"

"You're living here now?"

He seemed surprised.

"Making up for lost time" I joked. It wasn't funny though. My voice had a hard time conveying the humor and sounded flat instead.

"Right, well.. Peter and I- do you remember Peter? Peter Pettigrew," He motioned to the man standing beside him. His name seemed familiar, as did the slight almond shape of his eyes.

"Yes, Hello Peter, It's nice to see you again" I interjected politely. Peter seemed slightly confused but smiled warmly at me and nodded a hello.

"Anyways," Remus carried on, "We're about to get something to eat. Would you care to join us?"

I shouldn't go. I didn't have time to make friends, or reconnect with old ones. I should be focusing on the reason I came here.

"Sure, I'd love to." The words escaped me before I had a chance to decline.

"Fantastic. Do you have a preference?" I shook my head no. "Then we'll go to the pub around the corner, they have great fish and chips."

Peter nodded in agreement and I dumped the rest of my melting ice cream in a nearby trash bin.

"I wish Padfoot and Prongs had joined along," Peter said conversationally to Remus, leading the way to the pub. "I know how excited Prongs-er, James would be, to see you Lily"

"James Potter, the one who sent the howler I was telling you about at your mothers- on the other day." Remus clarified, noticing my blank expression.

James Potter. The name brought a hazy picture of a scrawny eleven year old with a mop of jet black messy hair and wire rimmed glasses.

"Of course none of us believed it when Remus told us he'd run into you. You should have seen the way James reacted." Peter laughed, off in a memory. I smiled lightly and nodded, unsure of what to say.

Sorry I never spoke to you for the past eight years? I never wrote any letters because I was stuck taking care of my sister and I hadn't cared enough to track you all down?

I had no polite excuse to come up with.

"Well, what matters now is that you're here, and alive, which is something we also feared you weren't" Peter laughed good naturedly, "And assuming that you know no one, it must be difficult living in a new area, so we'll just have to keep you company."

"Oh, that's really not necessary, I don't mind being on my own." My voice was sharper than I intended it.

Peter either didn't notice, or ignored, my tone.

"None sense, Remus and I would love to help you get settled."

Remus nodded in agreement.

I didn't respond as we made our way into the small pub. The pub was small in size and with a handful of people scattered across the room. A couple sat at a both, fingers laced together over the table, an elderly wizard sat hunched at the bar, a group of men laughed at a booth.

We sat at a small table near the back.

"So why are you here, Lily?" Peter asked, folding his menu down. I was taken back by the blunt question.

"Didn't you invite me to lunch?"

"Why come back now, after all this time?" Peter clarified

"Peter..." Remus said in warning, a look of disapproval on his face.

"I..I want to experience this world. I've never really felt like I belonged in the muggle world and well, I suppose I want to learn more about what I am." It was a convincing lie, considering part of it was true. I did feel out of place in the muggle world, and I did want to learn more about what I am.

Peter dropped the subject, happy with my response for the moment, oblivious to the lie.

I was here to find them. To find the men who killed my father.

The thought was my new mantra. _Hunt them down. Make them pay. _

Everything now was simply a step in achieving my goal. Of course, I knew practically nothing of that night besides my own hazy memories and a name. Selwyn.

"_Grab the girl," the voice was cold. Impatient. "We've killed the father and now the mudblood will die." Hands burned on my skin, fingernails clawing into my arms. I cried louder._

"_Come on Selwyn, leave the mudblood, she's to remain alive."_

_Anger flashed through his eyes, red rimmed terrible eyes. _

I couldn't remember anything but the eyes, the haunting animalistic hunger that burned within them. I couldn't remember the lines of his face nor the color of his hair, but his eyes I can picture perfectly.

He should have killed me then. They should never have let me know his name, the name that matched the horrible eyes.

For years my mother researched that name, following every faint chance of a lead, for years she drove herself mad with that one name. But she wasn't a witch. She wasn't like the murderers, who undoubtedly walked this world with light shoulders and with ease after the lives they've stolen. She couldn't find them, because she wasn't one of them. But me, I'm much more like them.

Because when I find Selwyn, I'm going to make him pay.

They never should have told me his name.

Peter said something that made Remus laugh and I refocused my attention back to them.

After ordering food, Remus made it a point to keep the conversation off of me. I was extremely grateful.

Mostly I heard stories of the Marauders. Half of which I couldn't believe and all ending with some prank or joke that rioted Hogwarts.

I felt a pang shoot through me at the thought of Hogwarts.

Peter was the first to leave, excusing himself to for a mandatory visit at his mothers house. He skillfully wrote down my addressed and promised to help me move in tomorrow. I told him it was unnecessary and he left, ignoring the comment.

Remus and I kept to light subjects after Peters departure and I had the feeling Remus was hiding something as well.

"I'll see you again, Lily" Remus said, tugging on his coat as we said goodbye. "Now that Peter has seen you, James and Sirius will believe you're real and there'll be no stopping in a reunion."

I didn't understand why they wanted to see me so much. I wasn't anything special and sure, I had been friends with them in first year, but that was eight years ago and we hadn't been that close to begin with.

"Goodbye Remus."

"I'll see you later" He corrected, pushing the door open for me and allowing me to leave first. We separated ways and I began walking towards the Leaky Cauldron.

Immediately my thoughts reverted back to my original purpose.

They really shouldn't have let me known his name.

* * *

><p>It's strange writing in first person, I rarely ever do it and it's harder than I had expected it to be. Hopefully I'll do an adequate job at it. Forgive any small errors of mistakes, I do my best to edit but I seem to miss somethings every time.<p>

R&R


	3. The Meeting of Friends

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: I'm very sorry for the length between updates. If anyone actually is reading this story, which is unlikely, i'm very truly sorry.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter Three: <em>

_The Meeting of Friends_

I liked the feeling of porcelain under my skin. The feeling of the smooth surface against my fingers, it was comforting in a way. When I was younger, when my father was still alive, Petunia and I used to spend every thunderstorm curled inside the tub of his bathroom. He'd sit on the rim of the bath, legs hanging on the inside of the tub- trousers rolled up to the shins, as if he were really dipping his legs into water. Sometimes Petunia and I couldn't even hear the thunder striking, too enraptured with whatever story he would tell to keep our minds off the brewing storm.

Of course, thunderstorms were a near weakly event and both Petunia and I had grown accustom to sleeping in bathtubs. Even after his death we kept the tradition and I still find myself occasionally drawn to the familiarity of the bathtub. Now, however, I was painfully regretting the decision to sleep in the tub last night, exactly one week since moving into my new flat. I couldn't recall exactly what led me to seek the familiarity, but nevertheless I'd taken the comforter off my bed and wrapped myself in the bottom of the porcelain tub. But it had been too small, or I had been too big, and now my back felt sore from bending at such an odd angle. However familiar it was, it was not comforting.

Nothing in this place was comforting. I'd decorated the flat without enthusiasm, with as little thought as possible. I wouldn't have bothered with even that, but Petunia would be visiting regularly and I needed to maintain the appearance of someone working and living a normal life. The depressing reality was that I spent hours pouring over case trials and decade old population censuses. The name Selwyn hadn't popped up once.

My kitchen was littered with odd scraps of paper and my desk was unrecognizable under the dozens of newspapers and notes haphazardly strewn about.

Even with the paper and messy disarray, the apartment almost seemed walls were still a bleached color white, no rugs or carpets and an expensive looking living room set sitting untouched, but clean, in the sitting room. Boxes of kitchen supplies stacked on each other, items like the antique silverware of my great great grandmother sat unused. I'd been ordering food for about a week now and if I looked in my refrigerator, there would be nothing. Everything here was clean and cold.

I missed the warmth of my old home. I missed Petunia.

Selwyn. Selwyn. Selwyn.

I had to repeat his name, had to engrave it in my mind. There was no other reason for me being here; as soon as I found him, as soon as I found them all, I'd leave; the faster, the better.

The magic was addicting. Having so much power brimming beneath my skin, pooling in the pit of my stomach, roaring to life in my veins, it was overwhelming. I was becoming too attached with being a witch. Even if it was a part of me, a very _small_ part of me, I was a Muggle first and foremost. But I loved the magic. I loved the electricity and energy and raw power that consumed me when I touched into my magic. Yet, magic is what killed my father and subsequently my mother.

Magic had killed my parents, devastated my sister and took my life away from me. Magic had done more harm to me than it would ever do me good, regardless that it would also be helping me hunt down Selwyn.

I'd fight fire with fire, and I would win.

But I was getting no where. The entire purpose of my living in the magical world was that it would be _faster_. I wouldn't be burdened with hiding my search from Petunia or my Aunt. I could use magic openly and not have to hide it in fear of scaring Petunia or exposing myself to others. I could form contacts and nothing would be suspicious if I lived in the Magical world. No one would question me this way. But I wasn't making any progress.

And it was disheartening.

It hadn't been more than two weeks of living in the magical world and already I was tiring. Not of the magic, of course, but of my own incompetents. I knew the spells and hell, I was good at them too, but it wasn't enough. I was woefully ignorant of the ongoing of the magical world.

Peter Pettigrew had explained a few political questions of mine and cleared up some folklore for me when he'd helped me move into this apartment, but it wasn't enough. It had taken us roughly a half an hour to move everything in and the short amount of time allotted for a short amount of questions.

I wanted to ask him about Selwyn, I wanted to ask desperately, but I knew that I shouldn't. I had no reasonable excuse to ask about him and I would not dare raise any suspicions. When I kill Selwyn, I need no trace of a connection.

When I _kill_-

It's such an ugly thought. It simultaneously sends shivers down my spine and chills into my heart. Would I be strong enough to kill the man that ruined my family? Or was it a weakness if I killed him?

What does it matter if I can't find him?

The thought agonized me.

What if I never find him?

I'm pulled out of the line of thinking by a sharp rap to my window. My wards alert me I've received mail and I rise from the tub awkwardly. My back aches painfully and I walk stiffly to retrieve the letter from a hooting owl.

I shoo it, but it looks at my expectantly.

"er- I'm sorry…I don't have an owl…would you like a bit of chocolate?" I'm not sure if owls like chocolate but it's the only thing I can give it. The owl gives an indignant squawk and ruffles the chestnut brown of its feathers.

It huffs angrily before flying away, upset that I have nothing to give it.

I stand and watch the bird for a moment; it's truly a beautiful creature.

I'm half way to my bedroom before I remember the letter I'm carrying in my hands. My name is written in a loopy scrawl with an unfamiliar style.

_Lily Evans,_

I tear into the letter and read it quickly.

_I'm very sorry I wasn't able to join Peter in helping you set up in your new place. Unfortunately I had some business that I could not miss and I would have written sooner, but my mother fell Ill and I had to take care of her. She is better for the moment so I've had some time to finally write to you. I am hoping you will let me make it up to you by having dinner with the Marauders and me, at the Three Broomsticks, in Hogesmeade. I figured, since you didn't make it to your third year, you've never been and I think you'd enjoy looking around at all the shops. Tomorrow night at 7, I hope you can come._

_-Remus Lupin. _

I wanted to go. Running into Remus around town had been an accident and Peter's assistance in furnishing my apartment was unavoidable and, while slightly helpful, unnecessary. Even in the very brief meetings with them, I had grown too attached.

The list of reasons I shouldn't go played around in my head. I quickly grabbed a piece of parchment and hastily scribbled a reply.

_Not to sure where Hogsmeade is, but if I don't get lost, I'll be there. _

I had no idea how to send my response. The owl had already left and I wasn't even sure if there was a regular Muggle post, not that he would have received my letter in time anyways. I needed to buy an owl, at the first available moment or else I had no means of communication.

I checked the clock. I had a few hours to waste away before attempting to meet them. I dressed quickly, pulling on a decent pair of jeans and shoving my wand in the waistband. I secured my hair with a few pins and squeezed a little gold in my pocket. It was very frustrating having to carry around the heavy coins, and more often than not I reached for my slim wallet when buying something. I missed the ease of credit cards.

Entering Diagon alley was just as remarkable as every previous time before it. The sun peeked through wisps of graying clouds and the streets seemed overly packed with exuberant young people. I tried to rationalize why so many people would be shopping and realized the date, August 29th. Most people were probably picking up last minute things before a new year of school started, or enjoying the last few days of clear days. Back home the trees were already rapidly graying and loosing their once multicolored leaves, but here the last grasps of summer have yet to let go. I pondered the differences of nature as I weaved through the crowd, looking anywhere for a pet shop.

I found one eventually, nestled in between a book store and an apothecary. There was literally hundreds of magical, mystical animals making all sorts of loud ruckus and the cacophony of sounds was overwhelming.

"What can I do you for, Ma'am?" A gangly boy asked, possibly a few years younger than me. He was wildly trying to tame an animal that looked frighteningly like a muggle snake, but with two heads. I took a step back in fear and grabbed onto my wand.

"Don't worry about Bernie, he's 'armless… he's just a bit miffed today, that's all." The boy reassured me, noticing my sudden fear.

"Well, I've come to buy an owl, if possible." I scanned the rest of the room, looking for the sections that owls were kept.

"Right, just give me a moment." He tamed 'Bernie' back into a startling strong cage and motioned for me to follow him.

"These are the birds we've got trained, most of them range in price, so just let me know which one and I can look it up for you."

I thanked him quietly and began to move down an enormous aisle filled entirely with owls and assorted birds. It was a wonderful place, filled high with branched and colorful perches. Birds hooted in delight and flew from one place to the next. I grabbed a hand full of bird seed from a dish and held my palm flat. Several of the birds cocked their heads at me and hooted. One of them seemed to roll its eyes at me, as if saying _really; do you think I'm a pigeon_? I let the bird seed fall from my hand and brushed away the remaining crumbs.

I took my time scanning through the birds, nothing this one or that one, watching as they interacted together. A few of them seemed to take an interest with me and eventually I was scratching a dark brown owl on the neck. I was startled to realize that they could be petted. I wasn't used to indoor animals, I'd only ever had a cat when I was younger, and it seemed shocking that an owl was so domesticated.

After a while the owl hooted in satisfaction and flew off. I was momentarily upset to watch him go; I was getting attached to him. I tried to pet the owl that rolled its eyes at me, but it flew a little too out of reach and gave me a look of condensation. I could read the look on its face. _Do you really think you can pet me? _For some reason I was determined to pet him and remained stubbornly patient, hooting a little as if trying to fool him. It was a stupid, stupid idea on my part.

_Really, you're going to hoot at me?_

I was embarrassed, the owl kept mocking me. He was a beautiful owl, magnificent really. A dark midnight black with sleek feathers and eyes that were so similar to honey I briefly thought they were gold.

A few hours passed with me loitering near the birds and the gangly youth was surprised to still see me.

"Have you found one yet?" He asked.

I nodded in resignation and pointed out a medium sized brown one, he had been friendly and hooted happily to be chosen.

Something landed on my arm sharply and I gave a little cry of alarm as the beautiful owl, the one with such a haughty expression, perched on me. I stared at him with bewilderment and he gave me a look that said _don't think too much of this._

The teen reacted with something akin to awe.

"He wont go with anybody! Almost everyone wants to buy him but he just flies away. He's not cheap either, but I reckon I can give you an amazing deal, he's been a bloody nuisance."

I tentatively reached out my hand and started to stroke the pure black feathers. He nipped my fingers lightly and shook my hand off.

"You'll get used to me." I told the owl.

The boy was right, he was an expensive bird and I even cringed a little at the cost. But he let me have him almost free, with a promise that I wasn't to give him back.

"How, erm, how do they work?"

_You have got to be kidding me_- The owl hooted, indignation clear.

"Well, whenever you have a letter that needs to be sent, or a parcel, you can attach it to the left or right foot, give the bird the direction and he'll deliver it. You can either tell him to wait for a response, or just come straight back. He'll need to be let out to go hunt, but other than that there's not much else. They like owl treats and this one has a particular fondness for buttermilk cookies. Once they've delivered a letter to a place they'll know exactly where to find them. It's a bit confusing how that works, but that's about it."

"Well, that's simple enough." I thanked him politely and bought a rather nice looking cage as well.

The sun was dipping low on the horizon and I realized I hadn't kept track of the time. I hurried off to my flat, conscious of the mildly miffed owl at being placed in his new cage. I murmured an apology but didn't let him out. I didn't trust him not to fly off and never come back yet.

I made it back to my apartment a quarter before seven. I unceremoniously placed the cage the kitchen counter and unlocked the door, letting my new owl fly out. I needed to decide on a name for him. I didn't have the time at the moment and instead I turned and headed into my bedroom. I wasn't sure what form of occasion this was and decided to change my clothes, I smelled like owls from spending so much time in the pet shop.

Most of my clothes were outfits Petunia had forced upon me and years of rich relatives birthday and Christmas presents. None of it mattered to me. Petunia was the one with an eye for style; she'd gotten it from our mother.

I was steadily growing frustrated. Finally, I hastily kicked my legs into a pair of jeans and grabbed a jacket. The jeans were a little tight from never being worn and I had to pull the price tag off the dark blue jacket. It had useless buttons on the front for decoration and did nothing to keep me warm, but its inside was smooth and felt nice against my bare shoulders and arms.

A few bird feathers were trapped in my hair and I didn't have time to take a shower. I plucked out all the ones I could find and messily rammed a few more pins in my hair. I wished Petunia could be here, watching me attempt to get ready for going out somewhere.

I was applying just the barest amount of makeup when I realized what I was doing. I was getting ready to go out, with no purpose than to hang around a bunch of people that used to be my friends eight years ago. I dropped my mascara and hastily pulled out the pins from my hair. I didn't have time for that. I didn't have time to go spend hours looking at owls or meet up for drinks. I had a mission and I couldn't loose focus, especially with how little I've accomplished. I blew out a frustrated sigh and scrutinized my face in the mirror. I looked pale, paler than usual and a little hollow in the cheek bones. I trudged back into the kitchen and sat at the counter for several minutes. I looked up at the clock and watched the hands indicate it was now 7:08.

And then I was up and scanning the room for floo powder. I had been taught the basic principles to apparate, but I've never tried it and the idea of '_splinching_' is a horrible thought. I don't take time to realize how much I hate flooing. I simply step into the fireplace, wave at my new haughty owl and yell in my most authoritative voice "THREE BROOMSTICKS."

The effect is instantaneous. The same sensation from before returns and I'm spinning madly away, air biting into my skin, chest constricting radically and then I'm being squeezed once more and before I can even breathe my butt is being slammed onto the ground in a chimney far away from my own. I look around cautiously to see if anyone has noticed my rather clumsy entrance and crawl out of the fire place. I stand up to the sound of popping joints and attempt brush any stray powder from my clothes. The Three Broomsticks is warm and packed full with customers. I scan through the crowd, suddenly anxious. I hesitantly enter more into the room and make my way to the bar. It's noisy and I get jostled a little on my way.

After several failed attempts I finally gain the attention of the barmaid. "Hello sweetheart, what can I do for you tonight?"

"I'm looking for Remus Lupin... I'm supposed to meet him. Do you know where his table is?"

The barmaid looked at me as if I'd grown an extra head.

"If your looking for the marauders, they're at the first table over there sweetheart." She pointed a manicured finger to a table less than three meters away. I hadn't seen the table through the massive crowd and now the question seemed completely stupid. How could someone ever miss seeing the group of four boys? They had to be the loudest, most jovially table of the lot and it certainly didn't hurt that they were probably the best looking.

Peter saw me before everyone else did.

"You came!" He cheered, getting up from the table and slightly overturning the mug containing his drink. It sloshed around a little and a few drops of thick foam hit the table. I couldn't help but return a smile, Peter was so friendly and open.

"Who are you on about Wormtail?" One of the four asked, his back towards me. The man turned around to glance at me and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His face was breathtaking. My steps faltered a little and I bumped into an overly large witch with in a surly mood.

"What where you're going, girl" She snapped, glaring at me before moving off.

"I'm so glad you received my letter, I wasn't sure if you'd gotten it or not." Remus was suddenly saying, standing up and pulling out a chair for me. "I didn't receive a reply, but then again, my bird isn't the most patient."

"Sorry I'm late, I had trouble getting here." It wasn't exactly a lie. "I've never apparated before and I'm not used to wizard forms of travel." I sat down gratefully and thank him for inviting me.

"Lily, you know Peter of course, but this is Sirius Black, and James Potter, do you remember them from school?" Remus indicated the two other people joining the table. Brief memories of Sirius Black swelled in my head but I couldn't believe he was the result of his scrawny eleven year old counterpart. I tore my eyes away from him to study the boy sitting besides him. It took me several seconds to compute what I was seeing. James Potter, the same wide eyed, small boy who constantly broke his glasses had become a man. I stared longer than was necessary, or what was deemed polite.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Lily." Sirius said, making me re-focus on him.

"Hello Sirius, it's been a while." It's the only reply I can think of and I cringe at the stupid comment.

"It certainly has." He responds in turn. Peter offers me a drink and I take it cautiously. I've never been the drinker. Or, I've never had the time or inclination to try drinking and I have no idea what alcohol, even in little quantities, will do to me.

"What is it?" I ask, bringing my nose up to smell the liquid. It smells like caramel and root beer and something else I can't quite name.

"It's butterbeer." Peter looks astonished. "Have you never had butterbeer before?" I shake my head, a little embarrassed at his tone.

"Ignore him," Sirius laughs, urging me to take a sip.

It's absolutely heavenly. I sigh with contentment and smack my lips together, it's possibly the best drink I've ever tasted.

"What happened to you Lily?" It's James. I knew the question was going to be asked, I just didn't think it would be so soon. .

"What do you mean?" I try to side step an answer. It's personal, and I don't like personal. I don't even know what I'm doing here, sitting with these people. I don't belong here, this wasn't the plan. I'm not wasting my days here to socialize and answer pointless personal questions. I'm here for a reason, a very, very important reason.

"You know what I mean. Why did you never come back to school? And why didn't you write?"

Anger flares within me. What right does this _boy_ have? I knew him once, eight years ago. We happened to be friends once, but just barely and I didn't owe him any explanations. Apparently, Remus thought the same.  
>"James, let her be." He answered for me.<p>

"What made you leave?" He ignored Remus. I clenched my jaw tightly and begin to stand, I don't have to answer these questions. He's no right to ask me that and I want to call him an invasive twat.

"I missed you."

And as suddenly as the rage erupted, it was quelled, soothed into a regretful apology. He does have a right to those questions, we _had_ been friends and they were just questions. But it was too personal, and I still wasn't even sure why exactly I was there.

"It's- it's complicated."

"What isn't?" He asked, staring intently at me. We hadn't broken eye contact this entire time. My nerves were beginning to fail me and all I wanted him to do was look away, look away and give me a break from his studious gaze. I faltered a little and turned to look at Sirius, he was studying me as well.

"We all missed you Lily, we just want to know what happened." Sirius's voice was low and calming, lulling. He must get everything he could possibly want by using that voice. And very suddenly I felt that I did owe them something, I owed them an explanation. I just didn't want to give it.

"My father died right before my second year." From there lack of surprise, I assumed Remus had told them that much.

"I'm sorry for your loss" James said, his tone changing drastically. He truly was sorry, almost regretful for my loss. It was a rare moment of genuineness.

"My mother went into a near catatonic state and I new I couldn't go back to school. She wasn't fit to watch over my younger sister and I wouldn't leave her to be raised by a nanny. So I stayed home and had a teacher that prepared me for both the Muggle world, and the magical one. However, I'm truly lacking in the magical one. My mother died a month ago, and it was one of her wishes for me to live as a witch, to be apart of my magic. So I moved here and now I'm at an utter loss on what to do."

I revealed a little more than what I should have, baring one of my insecurities for them. I truly had no idea how to live in this world and I had no idea how to act or behave or simply what to do. I had nothing else besides tracking Selwyn and I couldn't even do that right.

"Thank you for telling us." James reached out and put his hand over mine. I let it rest there for a moment before pulling mine out. It was too uncomfortable for me and I couldn't handle the sudden contact. I wasn't used to having people that close.

And then, like a snap of the fingers, everything had changed. Peter was telling a wildly amusing story about being trapped in a broom closet after setting accidental fire to Flitch's cat. I asked several questions, like who was who and what class was what and how people were. Sirius for the most part gave quick and witty comments, designed to make me blush. James bought the next round of drinks, scoffing when I offered to pay. The night proceeded in a manor of cheery tales and embarrassing stories and lots of laughter. Peter's face nearly turned purple from laughing so hard and my sides began to ache not even an hour in.

Remus was the first one to depart, claiming he needed rest before work tomorrow. Peter followed suit a few minutes later and I realized that I was left alone with only Sirius and James.

"Right, well, I'm betting I can find a charming bird if I leave now, and we wouldn't want me getting lonely, now would we?" Sirius winked at me, smirking a little and leaving. I watched him go, enraptured at how smooth he seemed to walk. Everything about Sirius was smooth and beautiful.

I'm not entirely sure how long James and I stayed together, drinking the last dregs of butterbeer and even ordering a firewhiskey, one of which I spluttered out the very second I took a gulp.

It sent James into an uproarious state of laughter. The barmaid came by to tell us they were having final call and I rose cautiously, not wanting to step back in the fireplace. I hated flooing.

I'm not sure if James could tell how much I despised flooing, or if he was going to offer anyways, but the question was out and I was entirely grateful for it.

"Do you want me to apparate you? That way you don't have to floo?"

"Yes." My response was so quick it made him laugh.

"Right, come here." He motioned for me to stand next to him and I stepped a little closer towards him.

"Lily, you need to wrap your arms around me."

The idea sent a little chill down my arms. I shook the feeling off and stepped to within hugging distance. I slowly wrapped my arms around him and felt him give me a reassuring squeeze.

"Where exactly do you live?" He asked.

"267 Druley Rd, Flat four"

"Okay, hold on tight to me and on the count of three, close your eyes- it's always a little scary the first time- and keep your mind clear."

I suddenly had the strange idea that apparating was a lot like flooing, and if so, I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it.

"One" I held on a little harder. "Two" I clamped my eyes tightly together "Three" my breath caught.

My head felt like it was about to explode as I was squeezed, balled up tightly and shoved through a tube. My body stretched and bent and we were twirling through thick, dark, space.

And as suddenly as it had come, it had ended.

My feet hit the ground painfully and I was teetering away from James, gasping for air and blinking rapidly. I coughed once, twice and tears burst to my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and my knees felt ready to buckle. I wasn't prepared for that at all. The ground gave a huge lurch and my foot faltered, inviting the ground to come up and meet me.

"Whoa, whoa, I got you" James had caught me. He laughed a little as he righted me up. "Keep your eyes closed until the dizziness goes away, you'll be fine in a few moments, just take long and deep breaths"

I finally found my head and immediately added that to the long list of things I would never been doing again. I was starting to think there was no way of magical transportation I could take.

I opened my eyes and tried not to laugh at the concern on James's face. It was slightly comical how alarmed he was. I backed away from him a little awkwardly, trying to forget the sudden tension that surrounded us.

"Thank you." I said, "That was better than flooing." But not by much.

"No problem Lily… but maybe this time you could owl me soon, not wait eight years to see me?" He laughed a little. I nodded in agreement and he turned to leave. Unexpectedly I didn't want him to go.

"Would you like to come in?" The question caught us both off guard.

"I would love to, but I really need to get home. I have work in the morning, Moody- my boss, is expecting a report at six." He declined politely, just the barest of grins on his face. I was relieved he didn't say yes, I had no idea what possessed me to offer that in the first place.

"Maybe tomorrow?" He suggested. "We could meet up, I could show you a little more of the wizarding world, maybe you could show me some of the muggle one?"

"Y-yeah"

"G'night Evans." He smiled, apparating with a large _crack_.

The moment I passed through the wards my entire focus shifted. Right now, Selwyn was my main priority, I could deal with James Potter latter.

My new owl hooted a greeting and I was pleasantly surprised to have his company. I really needed to find a name for him.

"I'll call you 'boy' for now… until I have enough creativity to give you a proper name."

'Boy' looked offended.

I spent the better part of the three hours going back over several cases involving death eaters and dark dealings. Slowly my body began to succumb to the idea of sleep and I grabbed my comforter from the tub. I didn't need its familiarity tonight. I was sleep before my head hit the pillow.


End file.
